The Dauntless Muse

Switching again!

influencebad — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 21:36:07 +0000

Well, I’m switching back over to Blogger for the time being – I realized that I like my blog layout WAAAY better over there, so I’m making the transition back to my blogging roots. Check me out at my new (old) home. ^_^

Click Here for The (new and more better) Dauntless Muse

Quick thing:

influencebad — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 23:48:05 +0000

This is the cutest owl I have EVER SEEN.

Behold:

You know you want it! ^_^

Here is the caption from the Associated Press: “In this undated photo released by American Bird Conservancy, a man shows a rare bird named in its own genus, ‘Xenoglaux,’ meaning ‘strange owl,’ due to the long wispy feathers or whiskers that stream out from its reddish-orange eyes in Peru’s jungle, January, 2007. An extremely rare species of owl discovered in 1976, and known only from a few specimens caught in nets after dark, has been seen in the wild for the first time, the American Bird Conservancy said Thursday.”

Little Sisters Are Not Allowed to Get Older. Period.

influencebad — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 20:29:33 +0000

Be forewarned: this may turn out to be a more disjointed rambling ramble than usual.

One of my little sisters, Caroline, will be turning eighteen this year. Putting aside the fact that she had the audacity to get so much older so quickly, we’ll add to that the fact that she has dating a guy that me, Illustrious and All Knowing Eldest Sister, severly disapproves of. Thinking about her as being almost eighteen and actually DATING is totally blowing my mind. This is Caroline:

This is how I think of Caroline:

The two aren’t really matching up, are they?

It’s getting stranger and stranger trying to reconcile picture B with picture A. Especially since I’m trying t0 still picture myself at the age that Caroline is in picture B. It’s so weird to think that techincally she could legally get married this year. I think that flying pigs would have a snowball fight in hell before that happened, but technically, legally, it could. I mean, holy SHIT! When did that happen?? Not to mention littlest sister Susannah. I was hanging out at a friend’s house and his roommate’s five year old daughter was there. She reminded me a lot of a less intelligent version of Susannah at five, and when I was thinking about that, I remembered that Susannah is now ten. Twice as old as the roommate’s daughter. This was another: SHIT. When did that happen?? moment.

And now Caroline is dating a guy I don’t particularly like, so I start worrying about stuff like ‘what if he treats her as badly as he did his last girlfriend’, and what if this and what if that. These, of course, are things that so far I had only had to worry, or even think about, in regards to my own life and those of a couple of my friends. Not my little baby sister. >_< There are a couple ways I could handle this, I guess. Probably the best way would be to steer clear of calling the new boyfriend “Assholeface” like Bob and myself have been doing. Well, at least in her presence. What I should do is keep reminding myself that there are lessons to be learned, both good and bad, through experience, and each experience that we have builds who we are as people. And the biggest thing that I have to remind myself of is the fact that YES she is old enough to start having these experiences. Pfft, what am I saying? “Start”? I mean “keep” having these experiences. She’s well on her own way into adulthood. Whether any of us likes it or not.

Part of what weirds me out about my little sisters’ ages is of course the fact that I don’t want to get older. I would, in fact, like to start de-aging, rewinding the clock, going back to when I was about seven and had no responsibility, no bills, no rent, no relationship trauma, etc. Every time I have to forcibly remind myself that Caroline is seventeen and Susannah ten pushes me a little further towards accepting the fact that I’m an adult. And there is no going back.

Lets say that one again. I’m an adult.

Yuck. >_<

I feel like I’ve conducted myself fairly well during my only slightly faltering steps into adulthood, despite the fact that it was hard as hell taking so much responsibility for my life. That doesn’t mean I wanted to. I would rather have gone into getting older kicking a screaming, but I guess I have a little too much pride to do that. ^_^ And I know that at 22 is probably a little early to start whining about my age, but I really would like to be a kid again. I know I already said this, but it is hard taking on so much responsibility for yourself. It’s a part of growing up, yes, I know this. But why did I have to grow up again? Couldn’t I just have a few more years to prepare myself? Even though I’ve been moved into my own place for a year and a half and been working full time for longer than that I’m still whining about it. ^_^

So anyway, back to my original point. My little sisters are not allowed to get older. Caroline and Susannah are both expected to stay five. Despite their continued pig headed opposition to my decree, I’m still going to wish for it. Hell, I want to be five too. We can all be five together, wouldn’t that be fun? C’mon, seriously! No work, just play. The biggest tragedy of our lives can be our beta fish that dies, and our biggest responsibility can be choosing books to be read to us before bed. Dad can sing songs to us every night before we go to sleep, and we can get in trouble for sneaking cookies out of the cupboard.

No? Fine. Be that way.

And this is definitely a buildup to a spectacular quarter life crisis that I expect to have in a couple years. ^_^

300 Movie Review

influencebad — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 18:51:30 +0000

300
R
2007
**** out of ****

Ahhhh, the movie that we’ve all (well, maybe not all of us, but at least my friends and I) have been waiting months upon months that felt like years upon years to see. Despite well intentioned plans of going to see this movie at the Imax theater, we were foiled by our local Imax being completely and hopelessly dumb and not playing it, so we had to go see it in the normal theater. While it probably would have been even more amazing in the Imax, it was still plenty incredibly unbelievably amazing in the normal theater. ^_^ And this is just a prelude to all the praise I intend to heap upon it in this review. Which probably shouldn’t be called a review. Maybe a worshipful homage.

While the film is of course loosely based on the real life history of the three hundred Spartans VS the Persian empire, it is far more closely based on Frank Miller’s graphic novel, “300″. Unfortunately I have not personally had a chance to view the graphic novel, but I would imagine that is definitely were the more outlandish and unrealistic elements came from.

Premise: The premise of this film is simple. Three hundred Spartans stand defiant in the face of a Persian army composed of something like 100,000 men. That’s pretty much it. ^_^ Small subplot follows the Spartan queen as she urges the council to send the whole of the Spartan army to aid her king in his fight against the Persians, while the wicked traitor councilman attempts to foil her.

In this movie, there is not one element that falls short of expectations. The writing is great, the acting is great, the special effects are great, the fighting choreography is great, the sound editing is great, the cinematography is great, etc. The ultimate badasses of the Spartan army are beautifully portrayed by actors who went through brutal training to achieve the rock hard sculpted bodies you see on the screen, and Lena Headey, who plays the Spartan queen, is perfect: Beautiful, but obviously just as hardcore badass in her own way as the Spartan men.

The fighting was brilliant – the choreography was incredible, shield, spear, and sword. Also utterly believeable. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I loved how unique it felt, with the complete and utter integration of their shields into their fighting style. It lent it credibility – you could almost see real life Spartans back in the day fighting almost just like this.The acting was excellent – although to be fair, it’s not like the roles were all that challenging. Gerard Butler: Look menacing, yell (no, roar) a lot, and every once in a while take on a forcefully tender expression. Lena Headley: Look stern and uncompromising, every once in a while take on a repressed grieved expression. All the rest of the Spartans: See Gerard Butler. And the writing was sharp – filled with odd spots of humor through the movie that livened it up.

The visuals in this movie were absolutely stunning. For one thing, the makeup and costuming artists did a fantastic job. Not much else to say there. The movie is filled with sharp contrasts of light and dark, while most of the colors remain muted and slightly grainy, making for an intense visual experience. It’s beautifully done, and very striking. And it never lets up. From the beginning of the movie to the very end.

Obviously those who don’t care for graphic violence should not see this film. Though definitely not a bloodbath movie (actually there was surprisingly few blood and guts scenes), it’s filled with other graphic imagery: A tree completely covered with dead bodies affixed to its trunk and limbs, a wall of corpses (there were quite a few corpse wall shots), slow motion decapitations and limb severing, etc. The violence is all quite artful, though, although I’m sure there will be those who disagree with me. ^_^

All in all, the movie is, in my never to be humble opinion, a masterpiece, instant classic, my new favorite movie. You walk out of the theater feeling energized, and (if you’re me, at least) keep saying to your friends who saw the movie with you, “that was so FUCKING BAD ASS!!!” usually followed up with “holy SHIT!” Then, a little while later, “those Spartans were FUCKING BAD ASS!!!” and so on and so forth. ^_^

And, as my friend Bob said, going to the theater from now on will always be a bit of a let down, because nothing will ever come close to being as awesome as Frank Miller’s 300. And now, a few more photos for your enjoyment. ^_^

Zodiac Movie Review

influencebad — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 18:10:26 +0000

Zodiac
R
2007
*** out of ****

Interestingly enough, until about an hour before I left to go see this movie, I had no idea that it was based on an actual serial killer. And when I say “based” I mean a lot more closely based than, say, ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ or ‘Amityville Horror’. I was never all that into true crime stuff, but the movie was very good. Also, this was the first movie in a very long time that I went to go see alone, and I remembered that even though I think that I hate going to the theater solo, I actually do enjoy it. ^_^ It’s more fun going with other people, but it was still entertaining going by myself. Plus, I live a five minute walk away and my car was in the shop. ^_^ Incentive.

Premise: True crime. In the late sixties and early/mid seventies a serial killer roamed around the San Francisco Bay area. He sends letters and codes to the newspapers, taunting letters, demanding that his letters be published. Police and a determined newspaper cartoonist desperately try to find the killer and bring him to justice.

The movie already had a lot going for it, simply by virture of the actors that were in it. Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr, and Mark Ruffalo all exhibited excellent performances in this film. Especially Mark Ruffalo. I don’t usually like him very much, but he played his character very well. Gyllenhaal also warrants special attention for his role, going from interested, no, fascinated with the case to having it become a full blown obsession.

At times the movie felt extremely fast paced and energetic, then it would lull to a sleepy meandering crawl for a while, but even it stayed interesting. It owed as much of it’s ability to enthrall to the simple fact that this is a true story as to the writing, acting, and directing. It’s a novel concept, watching a true story about a serial killer that actually feels real.

And that was one of the movie’s greatest strengths. The fact that it just felt so real. Obviously I don’t know how closely the film was based on the case files, but even if it strayed far into the realm of artistic license it retained that feeling of reality.

My one complaint about this movie is it’s length. No, it wasn’t that I thought it was too long as in it needed to be better edited, it was just that after two and a half hours sitting in a movie theater chair, my butt really starts to hurt!! ^_^

The Aftermath

influencebad — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 02:57:03 +0000

This weekend I attended a memorial type party for a very dear friend of mine’s mother who passed away a year ago. She is the first person that I have really known that I have attended any type of memorial for. There was a small rememberance type thing shortly after she died, but there was never a real funeral or memorial service because her husband couldn’t handle it. So after nearly a year to the day her second eldest daughter decided to have a celebration of her life, the way she had wanted.

The rented facility was decorated beautifully, with tables laid out in the departed’s favorite colors, soft music (mostly classic rock) playing, white lights on the ceiling, gorgeous flowers, and a table with candles burning, a small shrine to the Virgin Mary, charms, a sign that said “Hippies use side door”, and other items of the departed’s. It really felt like her. The people who set up did a wonderful job.

There was plenty of food laid out, salads, cold cuts, rolls, fruit, vegetables, cheese… and there were lots and lots of people! The departed had a lot of friends and had known a lot people, and there were a lot of people who felt like they needed some closure that they had been denied a year ago. Everyone was given some time to enjoy the food, then two of the departed’s oldest friends began the “program”.

They started with a prayer, said a few words, then opened the microphone to anyone who wanted to come forward and tell a story about the departed. I was struck as more people went to the microphone how fake so many people sounded as they talked about the departed. A main theme running through the evening was the departed’s faith, making it sound as if she was one of the most devoted Catholics walking the earth. I think her faith may have been very important to her at one time, but not during the last several years of her life. She did love the Virgin Mary very much, the speakers got that much right.

There were a few people who were genuine, but for the most part it was people who were talking about her as though she was some kind of superhuman saint, romanticizing her life, her relationship with her husband, and her faith. There were only a few people who spoke to told stories I identified with, that I thought to myself, ”that sounds like the woman I’d known since I was thirteen or fourteen”.

It wasn’t until hours later, when most of the people had cleared out and we were starting to think about cleaning up that I felt that we were really honoring the departed the way we were supposed to. We turned up the mix of her favorite songs, sang along to Paul Simon, John Couger Mellencamp, and many others, danced, talked, laughed, ate desert…. That was when she was truly honored, not when a priest was speaking and said “She was a grace-filled woman”.

My mom said later that was totally wrong – she was a spirit filled woman. I have one better. She was a life filled woman. She wasn’t a saint, she was a real person, and I don’t think she would have enjoyed being set up on a pedestal.

I remember her as being funny, down to earth, and always welcoming to me and all of her daughters’ friends. I remember having conversations with her in her kitchen, and laughing because she was so damn funny. She could sting wickedly too, and she could be mean. I remember her hideous Virgin Mary bead curtain that she absolutely loved and hung in front of the glass back door, and how her daughter and I laughed about it. I remember her gardens. I remember the fights that she and her husband had. I remember prying up tile floors with her and her daughter when the family bought their new house, and how we actually had fun doing it. I remember her as being a really interesting woman, vibrant, edgy, pragmatic, cranky, down to earth, and although she was a kind person, she would always tell it to you like it was. She didn’t really mince words. I remember a lot about her, good and bad.

That’s how I try to respect and honor her memory the most, by just remembering who she was as a whole, not cutting parts out to make her seem greater than she was. When people do that, when they set her up as a saint and ignore the parts of her that made her human, they do her a disservice. They make her less than what she was.

Well, I’ve rambled on enough about this, so in closing I’ll say one more thing:

I didn’t know her all that well. She was a part of my life for many years because her daughter and I are best friends, but it wasn’t like I was her friend, or I was all that close to her. But I will say that in many, many ways she was a wonderful, loving, virbant human being who continues to inspire me. And I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but I hope I never lose sight of every aspect of how I knew her. Good and bad.

Reno 911!: Miami

influencebad — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 01:29:23 +0000

Reno 911!: Miami
R
2007
**1/2 out of ****

If you’ve ever seen the Reno 911 show on Comedy Central, then you’ll know what to expect from this movie. Slapstick, goofball humor. Nothing serious or sophisticated here, folks. I’ve only seen Reno 911 a few times, but the times I have seen it have made me laugh, so I was excited to see the feature length film. And it was exactly what I expected, so I have absolutely no disappointment.

Premise: The Reno, Nevada Sheriff’s Department is invited to a national law enforcement convention in Miami. Due to mix ups with their registration they are forced to stay at a hotel away from the convention, which turns out to be a good thing when the convention center (filled with cops) is the target of a bio attack. As the only law enforcement officers not quarantined, the Reno Sheriff’s Department sets out to patrol the streets of Miami. Let the antics ensue.

This movie made me laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more. Then it got old. Like most slapstick movies, it’s hilarious for a while, but there is only so much of this kind of humor that I can take. I probably should have waited for it to come out on video, but as it is I’m not upset that I saw it in the theater. It was worth matinee prices. ^_^

It’s hard to separate the good and bad points of this movie because of the genre it’s in. Really it comes down to you either like this kind of film, or you don’t. It’s getting bad professional reviews because most critics aren’t kind to slapstick comedies. It’s getting decent amatuer reviews because the people who go to see this movie know what they’re getting in to, and want it.

It’s funny. It’s really funny in fact. It has some jokes that fall pretty short of the mark, but it has just as many (or more) that succeed in their intention. But I’m sure this is one of those movies you need to be in just the right mood for. ^_^

So rent it when it comes out on video and enjoy. ^_^

And the Oscar goes to…

influencebad — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 23:39:08 +0000

The lost 2007 Academy Awards Ceremony Best Looking People category!

Best Looking Actor:

Clive Owen

Best Looking Actress:

Rachel Weisz

Best Looking Actor Runner Up:

Leonardo DiCaprio

Best Looking Actress Runner Up:

Jessica Biel

Congratulations to our 2007 winners! ^_^

Rebecca reviews 2007 Academy Awards

influencebad — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 23:22:38 +0000

Ah, the Oscars. How I both love and hate them. Actually, last night was the first time I had watched the Oscars start to finish in a couple of years – fortunately it was a decent year, so I don’t have too much to gripe about. I have a few usual complaints about past Academy Awards ceremonies that I always mention that I decided not to bring up this year, mainly how never in Gwyneth Paltrow’s career has she EVER deserved to win an Oscar. I’m still not over that. I probably never will be. Ellen DeGeneres hosted this year, and while I was a little leery about that, she turned out to be very funny – certainly a better host than some I’ve seen.

So, imagine the scene – myself, my mother, my grandmother, my 17 year old sister, and my friend Bob are all at my grandmother’s home to watch the Oscars, ready to mercilessly mock any hapless person in the entertainment industry who didn’t happen to dress or speak up to our high standards. Poor Bob was forced to endure plenty of high pitched “Oh my GOD look at her DRESS, what was she thinking??”, “who told her THAT looked good??”, and “Leonardo DiCaprio is SOOO HOT!” “OMG CLIVE OWEN!!!” And if anyone dared take longer than ten or fifteen seconds with their acceptance speeches, we were all over them. “Shut UP!”

Yes, we are mean, but we sure have a good time. ^_^

So this blog entry will serve to enlighten my readers about the fashion highlights and lowlights, and some of my favorite parts of the 2007 Academy Awards.

We’ll start with the fashion lowlights (my favorite part!):

Meryl Streep is an indisputably beautiful woman. At the Oscars, her clothing was simple, black, elegant. Everything you would expect from Meryl Streep. However, unfortnuately for her fashion statement at one of the most media covered entertainment events of the year, Meryl decided that it was necessary to wear the gigantic amulet from her voodoo priestess, in case she needed to cast bad juju on her competitors. Fortunately, Meryl has a kind heart, so even though she didn’t win Best Actress for her role in ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, she held off on using the amulet to cast any malicious spells. Either that or she’s waiting until Helen Mirren is least expecting it.

Nicole Kidman is pretty hit and miss with her Oscar fashion. This year, the simple red dress was a nice touch. The huge bow, dog collar thing, and long Shinobi-style train scarf thingie look BAD. Nicole, we know you want to be a ninja. Too bad. You aren’t.

I also think that Nicole Kidman is an alien. I don’t want to shock or frighten anyone, but I believe her true colors are finally beginning to show. I believe that she and Gwynneth Paltrow were sent to Earth by their alien leaders to subvert and destroy humanity. Just look at the photos. It’s obvious.

See what I mean?

And as you behold this photo of Gwyneth Paltrow, I can only say one thing: Beware the pod people!

Ah, I almost forgot – dear Penelope Cruz (at least she’s not an alien!). Penelope Cruz has steadily been becoming less and less annoying, and looking less and less like a hound dog. She was actually very pretty at the Oscars, although what she wore is an entirely different matter.

I actually have the inside scoop on Cruz’s dress. A day before the Oscars, Cruz was trying on her dress, originally a lovely pale pink confection that was slim and elegant. Cruz, eating a hot dog, dropped ketchup all over the skirt of her dress. “Oh no!” Cruz cried, looking was despair upon the ruin of her gown. A day before the ceremony, and I’m nominated for Best Actress! What am I going to do?” Suddenly she remembered – in one of her spare bedrooms, covering one of the beds, was a comfortor of the exact same color of the dress. But… could it be done?? It could. So now you know why Cruz wore a blanket to the Oscars.

One wonders what Kristen Dunst was thinking when she chose to wear this to the Oscars. It looks like an elaborate child’s dress that someone saw and said “Hey, this would be really cool if we stuck some feathers on the bottom!” >_< I don’t even have anything else to say, just that this was one of the more hideous dresses I saw. Good Lord.

I really feel that this photo speaks for itself. Eva Green has the potential to be beautiful. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen her actually pull it off. She kinda looks like she’s trying to look like some frightening gothy bride of Frankenstein, minus the scars. Someone should tell her that’s not a good look to go for.

And now, I am done dissing rich actresses dresses. I’ll now share some of the fashion highlights of the evening, for there were just as many people who looked stunning as there were people who looked like idiots.

I’ll start with Helen Mirren, who won Best Actress for her leading role in ‘The Queen’. Mirren’s dress was beautiful and fun, elegant without being stuffy. She looked absolutely perfect, and I don’t think anyone can really argue about that. The top of her dress may have looked a little wierd, but the overall effect, jewelry and makeup included, was excellent. Kudos to Mirren!!

Without further ado, I present Rachel Weisz, the most stunning, luminous creature at the Oscars. Her dress was lovely and was perfectly complimented by her hair and dramatic (but not too heavy) makeup. The necklace was a little much, but we’ll forgive her for that. ^_^ Of course, Weisz is so gorgeous she could probably come to the Oscars in a paper bag and I would be saying how the outfit was an unusual choice, but the brown of the bag brought out her eyes, or something like that. ^_^

I love love love Kate Winslet’s dress. I think that if she had done her hair a little differently, she would be almost as beautiful has Rachel Weisz. As it is, I love the dress, I love how simple she went with the jewelry, but her hair…. Anyway, this dress was probably my favorite dress of the evening.

Reese Witherspoon is wearing the runner up for my very favorite dress. I also love her straightened hair and makeup. Unfortunately she looks to me like a stick insect. She’s pretty, but could stand to gain some weight. ^_^ Anyway, the dress is lovely – I love the color, and it looks fantastic on Witherspoon. Some actresses canNOT pull of the strapless look, but she does it beautifully. Now go eat a cheeseburger.

Gorgeous Jessica Biel proves to the world that she can still look like a badass in a bright pink dress. ^_^ She makes it onto my list less because of her dress and accessories, but more because she is still as buff as she was when she made Blade Trinity! Incredible body, and actually I think her hair was done very well. Very nice updo. And the only other thing I have to say is THAT is why I go to the gym. Maybe one day I will look as amazing as Jessica Biel.

Okay, now I’m finished with the fashion highlights of the Oscars. My next section (and I know every female who happens to read this is going to appreciate this next part) will be highlighting the best looking men who made an appearance!

I must, of course, start with Clive Owen. When he walked out from backstage to present an award, every woman in the room was awestruck. Of course, as anyone EVER seen Clive Owen looking anything but divine? I feel like I want to go watch ‘Sin City’ and ‘Closer’ again. Right now.

Next, of course, is Leonardo DiCaprio, looking ten million times better than he ever did. He was in two incredible films this year, ‘The Departed’ and ‘Blood Diamond’, and was nominated (I think) for Best Actor for his role in ‘Blood Diamond’. This isn’t the greatest photo, but you’ll have to take my word on the fact that he looked unbelieveably good. He’s second to Clive Owen in hotness. ^_^

And, well, what can one say about Robert Downey Jr.? He is adorable. That’s it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And his hair is awesome. ^_^

Ryan Gosling, nominated for Best Actor for his leading role in ‘Half Nelson’ looked great. The older he gets, the better he looks. ^_^ He’s turning out to be an excellent actor – I remember some movies that he wasn’t so good in. In fact, they were terrible. But I guess everyone starts somewhere. The point here is that he looks fantastic. ^_^

Mark Whalberg, nominated for Best Supporting Actor, ‘The Departed’, was all smiles and jokes, which of course makes him all the more adorable. And he is a BAMF. He exudes BAMFness. And hotness. ^_^ And that’s about all I have to say about Whalberg.

Unfortunately although Gael Garcia Bernal is absolutely gorgeous, his hair was so bad he didn’t deserve to be included in the best looking men section.

Now for the final section of my uber long Oscars post – my three favorite parts.

Jack Black and Will Farrell sing a song about comedies in the Oscars. Absolutely hysterical, we were all laughing. ^_^ It would definitely be worth trying to find on Youtube. Best part is when Black and Farrell start singing about how they’ll beat up all the Oscar nominees. Farrell gets to Mark Whalberg (nominated for Best Supporting Actor, ‘The Departed’) and says something to the effect of, “and Mark Whalberg… I’ll leave you alone, you’re actually kind of a bad ass.”

Host Ellen DeGeneres comes up with a solution for where to put your Oscar when making acceptance speeches, and for later at after parties when you want to show it off and have both hands free.

Martin Scorsese wins Best Director for ‘The Departed’. Congratulations, Mr. Scorsese. It was well deserved.

I have one final photo for you to behold:

Are you ready?

This requires some mental preperation.

Are you ready now?

You sure?

Okay.

Here it is.

Yes, that is Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. I think Nicholson was drunk, and Keaton high.

No, I’m not kidding. ^_^

Things I have learned since bring Stella home

influencebad — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:47:57 +0000

1. Kitty (a.k.a. Stella) thinks that hands and feet and faces are fun toys.

2. Kitty also thinks that earrings (when they are attached to ears) are fun toys.

3. Kitty’s favorite game involves waiting until Rebecca is asleep, crouching on her windowsill, then jumping on her face (Rebecca has since started spraying kitty with water from a squirt bottle every time she gets on that window sill, because that is not one of Rebecca’s favorite games).

4. Kitty requires her litter box to be immaculate, filled with evenly distributed litter, a plastic garbage bag beneath it with at least a half inch of litter on the floor covering it, and the life size cardboard stand up of Spike the vampire hiding the litter box. If one of these elements is not in place, Kitty will poop on the floor.

5. Kitty thinks that cute white stuffed fluffball bunnies are fun toys and will maul them.

6. Kitty thinks it is fun to learn how to open cupboards and knock Rebecca’s garbage can on the floor.

7. Kitty enjoys wandering around meowing at the top of her voice for no apparent reason.

8. Kitty thinks Rebecca’s toothbrush is a fun toy.

9. Kitty thinks it is fun when Rebecca’s mom comes over wearing a long skirt that she can hide underneath and devour mom’s flesh at her leisure.

10. Kitty is a demon.

11. Kitty thinks that Cadbury Mini Eggs are fun toys.

12. Kitty thinks it is fun to interfere as much as possible when Rebecca tries to make her bed. This usually involves flying leaps into the middle of the bed, attacking Rebecca’s hands, and latching on with needle-like claws to any covers that Rebecca s attempting to spread.

13. Kitty enjoys sitting right in front of the computer monitor, and occasionally sitting on the keyboard causing random buttons to be pressed and strange things to happen.

14. Kitty thinks that hands controlling computer mice are fun toys.

15. Kitty waits by the door for Rebecca to come home, and as soon as Rebecca picks her up she purrs.

16. Kitty makes the home where Rebecca lives all alone feel full of life.

17. Kitty will sleep near (sometimes on) Rebecca’s face early in the morning and purr.

18. If Rebecca steps outside but does not leave the front porch, Kitty will sit on the windowsill, watch her, and meow until she comes back inside. Then she will repeat # 15.

19. Kitty will sit on the edge of the bathtub when Rebecca takes a bath and will stick her paw in the water every once in a while to see if it is less wet. Kitty is very cute when she does this.

20. When Rebecca is watching a movie and is covered in a blanket, Kitty likes to sit on Rebecca’s lap underneath the blanket and purr.

Rebecca loves Kitty.

Rebecca is going to stop talking about herself in the third person now.

^_^